


Under The Surface

by axolotlNerd



Category: Game Grumps, Skyhill (Band), Starbomb (Band), The Northern Hues (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Angst, Teenagers, i wrote this in 45 minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-22 23:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13177182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axolotlNerd/pseuds/axolotlNerd
Summary: Senior Year: Dan realizes he doesn't want to go on the path chosen for him.





	Under The Surface

The winter wind was cold, biting at his skin as he walked solemnly to his car. He could only hear the cold, distant beating of his own heart in his chest, pumping blood into his ears and making his breath shudder at the sound. Why was it so, so loud?

 

Imagine this. Imagine a boy who quite looks like a boy, even though he would soon be a man. Imagine the way he would wrestle with his curly hair in the morning, cursing his Jewish genes for the dry locks of dark hair before giving in to get a haircut sooner or later. Imagine his tan skin, a shade of sunshade olive dotted with the occasional freckle.

You are very good at this.

Now imagine his best friend. Imagine another boy, a year younger than him and dropped out of high school. Imagine his straight, tawny hair, and imagine the blonde streak he had in it. Imagine the way he would smile as his pale, rosier skin bent to meet the shape of his happiness, and imagine the way his eyebrows would furrow as he drew, brilliant in his art and even the way he hid it from his friend.

There's a lot you could imagine about these two people. You could imagine their names - Dan, the curly haired man shaped like a boy, or Arin, an artist who hid his work for some unknown reason. You could imagine their interests, or thier aspirations, or even their relationships if you wanted to think for that long. You could imagine their whole life if you wanted.

But that would waste so much time. And you know I've wasted enough of your's.

 

Dan didn't realize it, but he was pushing ninety in the left lane of the highway, and still as his heart beat he didn't think he was going fast enough. Thoughts plagued him, as they always did - What if I turned here, off the road? What if I opened the door and just fell out? What if I slammed on the brakes so hard the car slid?

He was furious with himself, and more than that, furious with the thoughts. Of course he would never act on them, and he wished more than anything else they would just disappear.

But they never did.

Soon enough, Dan found himself slowing down, watching the road as his car coasted along at the speed it was comfortable at. 80, 75, 70, and soon enough it was drifting along at the speed limit.

Dan sighed, pulling his car to the right lane and waiting for the next exit. His breath came in shaky, scared by how close he came to death at the speed he had been going. Of course, that was what he chose to do, but sometimes the things you chose are not the things you want.

Dan knew that better than anyone he knew.

After what felt like a lifetime, he pulled into a gas station. His hands twitched, reaching for his phone though he wasn't sure who he wanted to call. All he could think about was the cold that gripped his fingers, spreading to his hands and wrapping around his arms like snakes.

He simple gave in. His hands moved of their own accord, and before he knew it, he had called his friend. Arin was on the other line, talking to Dan though it was not Dan talking back.

"Where are you?"

"Did something happen?"

"Should I come meet you?"

"I'll be there s soon as possible."

There comes a time in friendship where you can tell something is wrong. That is why, at 1 AM on a work night, Arin had bed awake in bed and fretting about his friend. Though friend had never been the word he wanted to put to Dan.

It was a short 15 minute drive for Arin, though Dan had driven for a half an hour to get to where he was. As soon as the tawny-haired boy pulled into the gas station, he found Dan's car and ran to it as fast as possible.

Dan didn't even flinch when Arin jumped into the passenger's seat. His head was resting on the steering wheel, and to Arin, he looked tired but not in the way of sleep.

"Dan?" He asked softly.

Dan hummed in response.

"Can you look at me?"

Dan's eyes had always reminded Arin of the ponds by his house when he was a kid. They were a murky, muddy brown, and something was always moving under the surface and it made all the color stir, as if the whole world was waking up in front of Arin's amber eyes.

But this time, there was no mystery to what was in there. As soon as Dan's glazed over, tearful eyes met Arin's, he burst into tears, sobbing like a little kid. Arin gasped and reached over to his friend, leaning over the  gear shift and emergency brake to hold his friend.

"Hey, shh, it's okay," he whispered, confused and just wishing he knew how to help. Dan gripped his shirt like a baby holding it's father, pushing his face into Arin's shoulder and sobbing. "What's wrong?" Arin asked, softly and soothingly.

But Dan was inconsolable. "I don't know! Everything!" He yelled and continued to weep. "I got accepted into that college I wanted to go to but I don't want to go there, Arin! I don't want to do business bulshit my whole life! I-I just-" he took a minute to hiccup and take in a shuddering breath. "I want to go home, Arin."

Most people would have asked in that moment, _"Then why did you leave in the first place?"_ But Arin knew Dan, and he knew that phrase had a whole other meaning to his skinny friend.

"I know," Arin said, carefully patting Dan's hair as he cried out every tear he had in his body. After what felt like a lifetime, Dan sighed, completely spent. Arin didn't move, though, and rubbed his friend's back.

"Are you okay?" He asked, to which Dan silently nodded. "Are you good to drive home?"

But Dan's look saddened. "Please don't leave." He whispered.

Arin felt something in him click. He had never thought too highly of himself, but all of a sudden that didn't matter. He had always believed wholeheartedly that his art and his talent determined his worth, but suddenly it all changed.

_You truly don't need to be talented when you're loved._

People say _"I love you"_ in all sorts of ways, and this just served as a wake up call for Arin. So there, under the lonely neon light of a gas station just off a highway in New England, he spoke, his own _"I love you too"._

"I won't."


End file.
